name that quote

The other day, an elementary school teacher decided to play an updated version of "Name That Tune," only instead of recognizing a song, the third-graders had to recognize a quote. If they did, they were allowed to go out early for recess.

First the teacher said, "Four score and seven years ago."

Some little girl shoots up her hand and says, "Abraham Lincoln."

That's right, the teacher said, and the little girl went running out of the classroom.

"I have a dream," the teacher said.

Before she even had the last word out, another little girl shot up her arm and said, "Martin Luther King Jr."

As the teacher turned back to the blackboard to look at the next quote, one of the little boys turned to his friend and said, "Why don't these damn chicks just keep their mouths shut?"

The teacher spun around and said, "Who said that?"

"Tiger Woods!" the little boy shouted, as he bounded out of the room.

the guys' rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are all numbered "1" on purpose.

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will assume nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear IS fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I AM in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.